Self Destruction

I can vividly recall the music that played during this scene

“My God, Bones… what have I done?” — Captain Kirk, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

At this point, roughly six months have passed since the last time I posted about medical school… for a number of reasons that will hopefully come to light over the course of this entry. Six months– it is a time span that feels trivial while caught in the rigors of schoolwork, yet proves to be enough time to turn one’s life hard to starboard and send them completely off course. While it is one thing to be knocked into an unknown path however, a person who chooses to abandon their present course to set off in an unmarked direction is either a venturer or a madman. This perception I will leave for those who have shared in my journey to make.

On September 8, 2014, my friend Balance posted a tweet expressing his confusion in suddenly experiencing a wave of melancholy. He had experienced such a phenomenon once before when I called him some months ago to vocalize my feelings of distress regarding my schoolwork, but was yet unaware that his sense of foreboding was once again a premonition of an urgent discussion that I would request to have. Later that night, I explained to him my feelings about my situation which prompted him to eventually touch upon the portent feelings he felt that day.

I appear to be exhibiting behavior found in those who are going through extreme sadness. I’m not [actually] sad, but . . . — Tweet by @igfxbalance

I for one believe that at the very least, people have the ability to intangibly sense when something is “not right” with one another. Indeed, Balance’s sudden feelings of dispiritedness mirrored quite well the emotions going through my own mind, considering the magnitude of the news I would share with him later that day: I had decided to withdraw from medical school.

What had been my goal for 4+ years as I trudged through volunteer work, sat through interviews, and spent thousands of dollars in application/travel fees was to be discarded after completing a singular year of medical school. While there were numerous factors in my decision, I chose to do so most prominently because of disillusionment, disdain for the physician (and school faculty) culture, and misgivings about whether I wanted to invest 7+ more years of medical education into a field that will completely change in the coming years. It was not an easy decision, both in terms of “admitting defeat” and having to take away from my parents the distinction that their child was going to be a doctor. Honestly, it was downright painful; even before I officially submitted my paperwork, I began to skip some of my lectures so that I could recollect my thoughts.

…But it was my decision. A voluntary one.

In fact, it almost caught me off guard when my parents immediately sided with how I felt and did not for a moment try to convince me otherwise. Not one single moment. They supported my decision 100% despite the fact that the news was (I’m sure) devastating for them. They knew however that I was not happy– they knew that I felt so worn out by the onslaught of tests and quizzes every week that I would be continuing forward without the flame of passion I once had during my White Coat Ceremony. My parents assured me that we would work through this ordeal and figure out a new direction worthy of my abilities as a family.

Without wasting time, I visited the course director the following day who had in fact coincidentally requested that I see him due to my low score on our most recent test. I was not worried as Dr. Oglesby had always been very kind to me despite his reputation of being a “bit of a jerk” with most other students. Saying GoodbyeHe started out by asking me what happened with my exam grade (which I vaguely answered), but I soon shifted the topic of our conversation to how I had been feeling dissatisfied with my schooling as of late. I discussed how I had gone from being an honor student with a full-ride scholarship, a charismatic club president, and a student getting paid enough from their two jobs to actually make money attending college every semester… to a less than mediocre student. Not only was I a student in the lower half of the class rankings, but I was also restricted from contributing as an officer in any clubs or even attending off-campus medical conferences because I was placed on Academic Probation. It was asphyxiating to be put through a stripped down version of school; as per school policy, the only thing I was allowed to do was to study while watching my classmates engage in club activities and guide first year students as TAs.

When I finished, there was a brief silence as Dr. Oglesby paused and walked over to his computer to pull up my file. As he scrolled through my entering GPA and MCAT scores, he spoke quietly (though mostly to himself) that my admission “stats” were higher than the majority of my classmates. He came back over to where I was sitting and looked into my eyes for a couple of seconds before finally breaking the silence. “You look like you’ve been beaten to Hell”.

He believed in me however, and tried his best to talk me out of my decision. He offered to petition the dean to let me continue or to let me repeat first year so that I could create a better academic foundation for myself. He suggested that, since withdrawing from medical school would make chances of admission to another US school unlikely, I could look into options overseas. His point was that if I really wanted to, I could still continue down the path of a physician in some manner. If I really, really wanted to. To hit his point home, Dr. Oglesby suddenly probes, “The question is, do you want to be a doctor?“. It was a question that felt oddly out of place– an inquiry that sounded somehow… foreign. A year earlier, as I was going through my interviews, I would have answered without hesitation. This time I took a momentary pause before responding.

“Respectfully, sir… No… I don’t believe that’s the question at all.” I have been told that I am an excellent speaker, and for whatever reason, those are the words that emerged from my mouth in that moment. Somehow, Dr. Oglesby had managed to epitomize the very aspect of physician education that did not sit well with me– everyone was constantly making a gigantic deal of becoming a doctor. No...Even half the faculty members calling on students during class would ask, “what do you think, doctor?” (A question that is still burned brightly into my mind along with its annoyingly cheery Brooklyn accent.) At that moment, I felt more strongly than ever that the school focused so heavily on why being a doctor is the most rewarding profession in the world that students would get blinded from all the other aspects of healthcare aside from becoming a doctor.

I responded to Dr. Oglesby’s question in full and described to him how I no longer felt that life’s goal should be to become a doctor. I explained that I would very much like to stay involved in healthcare since I entered the field because I truly did enjoy caring for people, but also recognized that even such a worthy cause should not sacrifice one’s time and happiness. There are more valuable goals in life than the distinction of a title– there are families to be created and lives to be led. People like me cannot put their hobbies and personal time on hold for the better part of a decade and then resume it without throwing away a formidable chunk of their humanity. The journey has to be enjoyed… not merely its outcomes, for people only get one shot at life. I knew that there were ways to serve in healthcare, enjoy a flexibility of one’s time, and to live with a comfortable enough income to one day raise a family without being a doctor; such long term concepts as the prospect of eventually “settling down” never felt as important to me as they did now.

As our conversation concluded and I stood up to leave, Dr. Oglesby extended a hand to shake mine. “I would like to thank you. I am… extremely honored and… grateful… for your honesty and forthrightness in sharing all this with me. I will be more than happy to help you in any way that I can as you identify new directions to pursue.” His words were slow and he seemed slightly taken aback, but his sincerity was clear.

The next day, I went to speak with Ms. Mire, a counselor whose job was to walk students through the withdrawal process. As I explained my reasons for withdrawing, she was a little surprised about my insight about my situation. She admitted that normally, she would be convincing reluctant students to withdraw or take a leave of absence, but was caught off guard to find that I had reached my conclusions on my own. The way she put it however, the fact that I had been able to do so of my own accord was likely a sign that I actually was taking a step in the right direction. (An idea that my parents had set forth a few days earlier as well).

The process to withdraw was not easy, though not particularly convoluted either. I was sent across campus to obtain five signatures from important figures such as the registrar and the dean of our medical school. Each time, I had to repeat my reasons for admission to convince them that I had thought things through before obtaining their signatures. The dean actually ended up being my final stop, but he was out of office for the next few hours. Instead of waiting outside his door however, I found myself walking towards the lecture hall where I knew class would still be in session.

These  three were probably the biggest troublemakers... minus Dan

These three were probably the biggest troublemakers… minus Dan

Even as I had been collecting signatures, most of my friends and classmates were still unapprised of my situation. I had previously told only one of my friends over the phone, but now decided to tell a few of my other friends whom I had been closest to in person– they deserved that much. I knew if I did this carefully, word would eventually trickle out and spread through the class without becoming a huge bombshell which would undoubtedly result in a spammed Facebook page full of confusion and despair. The first person I chose to approach was a familiar cetacean who had become the subject of many class-wide pieces of lore– my whale-buddy Saurabh.

Actually, calling him my “buddy” is stretching it. See, Saurabh and I had a special dynamic. Saurabh wasn’t my friend… he was my comical antagonist. Any time you would put the two of us together, it would devolve into us giving each other a hard time. I would make fun of his weight by calling him “fat” in the most creative ways possible while he would attempt to retort in the most (unintentionally) hilarious ways possible. Indeed, he oftentimes brought my pokings of fun upon himself and eventually earned the nickname of “Whale” among some of my friends. To anyone else, it seemed like I was being mean to him while in reality he enjoyed the wit involved in our exchanges. I have a fond recollection of a day where I was tired in the clinic and one of my fat-jokes fell miserably flat. Saurabh responded along the lines of “yeah, that was pretty terrible… but we both know what you were trying to do so how about I just pretend to act all hurt and stuff and you can laugh about it and… yeah.” It had been a long day for us both.

At any rate, I walked into the room and tap him on his shoulder, motioning that I wanted to step outside to talk. As we stood outside the lecture hall, I tell Saurabh about how I would be leaving– honestly, he took it pretty hard. In fact, he started crying, which was rather sad for me to see because it showed how deeply our bond actually ran. He kept asking me if I was SURE– if I was ABSOLUTELY SURE, and that this wasn’t some joke to try and mess with him. Eventually though, the message sank in and Saurabh just sort of stood there, leaning over the railing of the second floor stairwell. He admitted that he felt pretty honored that I told him this in person, which of course I could only respond by telling him, “well yeah! You’ve been a huge part of my medical school experience!” …He didn’t mind me calling him fat that time.

As he gives me a hug, Dan walks by, completely oblivious, and ruins the moment. “Oh! Is this a group hug? Group hug, guys!!”

Yeah, I’m going to miss these people.

I told a few other people over the course of the day, then finally made my way to the dean’s office. As I waited in the lobby, the elevator doors opened and Saurabh trundled out. He didn’t know for sure that I would be there, but he managed to find me anyways. As he sat down next to me, he tried to make small talk but failed as he ended up continuously interrupting himself to interject that the entire situation “sucks.” He kept going on about how things will be different without me being there. “Who else will make your WTF face when Josin makes his lame jokes?”

When it was finally time for me to go, he held out his flippers for one last hug. “I’ll miss you.” The DinnerI told him to save it for the weekend– it just so happened that my birthday was coming up on the weekend so we would definitely have to hang out and do something special. He told me that he would be there for sure.

Truly, it is funny how it worked out that my birthday would be the same week. It is almost as if the universe had conspired to make me feel better after facing such a cataclysmic ordeal. At any rate, my birthday not only served to provide a comforting memory amidst my departure, but also helped illuminate all of the people who comprised my support system during the times I needed it most– my family, old friends, new friends, online friends… them celebrating my birthday with me reminded me that I was not alone in the path I walked.

What ended up happening was a birthday/farewell dinner on Monday evening. During the weekend leading up to it however, some of my closer friends would take me out to dinner to spend some extra time together. I have a fond memory of me, Josin, and Mike sitting as the only ones at a restaurant sampling each others’ curries. There’s a certain… charm in sitting in an empty restaurant situated in a run-down college town late at night. While I wasn’t particularly feeling up to it, Josin admitted that Triet had asked him to convince me to visit his apartment that night because he “really wanted to see me”.

You know how ultra late nights go between good friends. When there is a painful thought that no one really wants to acknowledge, everyone sort of awkwardly sidesteps the issue at hand ,yet at the same time there is a solemn air of understanding in the room. They knew they wouldn’t be seeing me again. The five of us (along with Dan, who was Triet’s room mate) passed the time talking about miscellaneous things and even watched the movie Oblivion since someone had rented it recently. The night eventually loosened our tongues and we were able to discuss my departure through a heart-to-heart that is only possible when all parties are sleep deprived. I left for my apartment looking back on the night with a bittersweet feeling.

On Monday, we decided to celebrate my birthday at a Thai restaurant because it happens to be my favorite type of food (due to its spiciness and lack of reliance on sodium for flavor). I was a little flattered because a few of my classmates who I did not know as well also decided to show up for the occasion, but it was also a tradition of sorts whenever someone would have their birthday– everyone would show up. Saurabh gave me a plush toy of a DoTA II character (his favorite game).

But this was much more than a birthday. One evening of spending time and taking photos together was apparently not enough. The next day, I am awoken in the mid-afternoon (having slept in) to a Facebook group chat:

Cathy X: . . . Bye Bye Bubble Tea at 3pm this afternoon! Fruitealicious! . . . let’s all poke [Nightmaren] one last time. :)
Cathy X: Invite those I might have forgotten. XD
Daniel S: I’m actually getting emotional today. It hit me more that [Nightmaren] isn’t here. :-/
Cathy X: Me too! It made me so sad to learn . . . [Nightmaren] was leaving. :(
Suin Y: [One day, Nightmaren] shall be back, and even more advanced
Christine W: i think i can come. i have to get an x ray and blood drawn in the afternoon though -.-
Suin Y: DON’T LEAVE [NIGHTMAREN]. lol have fun . . . and come back
Triet L: yeah, and don’t bring back any STD or TB
Tony T: Here’s the pictures from yesterday . . . <link removed>

… It was a little convoluted, but the message was there and I was grateful for it. I quickly brushed my teeth and hopped into my car to locate Fruitealicious and was surprised to find even more people waiting for me. I had thought that only a handful of people would show up because it was in the middle of a school day and we had already spent time the day before, but I was surprised with a box full of bundt cakes with a card signed by everyone. While I was not expecting a second day of it, I felt immensely fortunate to have a group of friends who would work so hard to make my parting memories pleasant ones. They truly were having a hard time letting go.


So having taken my leave from medical school and bidding my friends farewell, one may wonder how I’m feeling. I’m feeling… well, actually. Far better than I had expected myself to feel. Sure, it stings to reflect back on the year of medical school I cast aside and the fact that I will not see my friends again, but I actually feel like things are holding together; I don’t feel lost, as if my entire ship has collapsed. It is a feeling that was pointed out to me by my friends and family. I suppose that’s the universe’s way of letting me know that I haven’t veered completely off course just yet, even if my destination is now different. Indeed– it may be early to say so right now, but I really do feel that I have made the right decision for the long haul, even if a good portion of it was based on instinct. The entire ordeal has given me a new perspective about life and what one hopes to gain from it.

As time will pass, I will eventually revisit and make public some of my experiences in medical school– there were many unique experiences, after all. Until then, may the wind be at our backs as we each navigate the roiling waters of life, allowing our journeys to be ones full of progress and adventure.

 

Everyone in this photo is an idiot... and that's precisely why we had so much fun together in medical school

Everyone in this photo is an idiot… and that’s precisely why we had so much fun together in medical school

16 Comments

  1. Transfer Student
    Class 1-A
    Valid from: 10/12/2014 at 5:54 pm

    Ahoy there :P (yeah I barely check twitter, I’m sorry about that)

    It’s weird how lives are linked somehow… I’ve dropped here out of randomness actually, because I looked at your twitt feed as I was very worried because of today’s global events, and I read that article… It’s so weird, it’s like we’re both taking U-turns in life for different reasons.

    Last month, I sent a resignation letter at my job to go 100% on my personal project.

    I can totally understand these astonished, completely misunderstanding looks from everyone at your place… I’ve been through that a huge lot since that day, no one here ever expected to even think of leaving the place.
    However… We both know it’s a personal choice. We don’t have to exist only through other people’s wills and expectations. We are here to shape our very own life the way we want, and we can’t let others decide for what we’re willing to become. I believe it’s very, very important to let your voice stand out this way and to do what you really want to do.

    Don’t forget… you’re doing that to follow your very own path. And following your path is a great way to Happiness… because it’s what you really want. (when I realized that, I really got probably one of the greatest peaks of Happiness in my life :) )
    I was a bit worried about my choice, but I got totally cheered up by that One-Piece song :P
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipOzsnTXD30

    (Sorry if I’m a bit confusing right now, I’m somehow caught in a storm of feelings right now regarding that choice… I guess you know that too :P )

    Good luck for everything :)
    Yon

    PS : If you ever hear of a firm called Merengil-something, you’ll know something great will have happened here :P

    Reply

    • Student Council
      会長 | Class 4-B
      Seat no. 1
      Valid from: 10/23/2014 at 4:06 pm

      Hello, Yon. Good to see you. While I didn’t discuss it in detail in this post, the decision to stop pursuing medicine was not 100% my choice. Yes, the decision to withdraw from medical school was purely my decision because I decided that I did not want to deal with the stress of the unnecessary difficulty and the administration’s detachment from the students, but it is a little more complicated than that. See, I honestly feel that I picked the wrong school– if I had attended one of the other schools I got accepted into, I have a feeling that this would not have happened. Unfortunately, the school system is broken to the point that students cannot transfer to another medical school or even reapply (easily). There are ways, but they are quite involved (and expensive) processes that I wouldn’t want to deal with.

      So am I following my own path? In a way, yes… but this is also my path because other paths were closed off to me. I guess I’m trying to make the best of it, but sometimes this whole predicament gnaws away at the back of my mind when I am given too much time to think…

      Reply

      • Transfer Student
        Class 1-A
        Valid from: 10/23/2014 at 6:06 pm

        Ahoy again (I’m very happy you replied, I was worried you’d fall in the bottomless pit of loneliness and self-pity that you helped me to avoid) (it’s at times like this that we friends are here to support you :) )

        Actually, “I picked the wrong school” was exactly what I was thinking just before I met you and you cheered me up, so I guess I have the occasion to pay you back for what you did back then :P

        I don’t think you can actually say whether leaving was a bad choice or not. You need to take some step backs and look at the full picture to know this, and I don’t think you’re in the right mindset for that now. Anyhow, you did your best, right? (I know you so I guess it must be “yes”) So there is no regret to have.
        Also, you could have a peek at that video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYcbiWyrZl4

        Past is past. Even if it is recent past, it is still past, and cannot be undone… so what’s the point of thinking over it again and again? You’re at a crossroad of your life now, so I believe the most important question for you now is: what do you want to do now? (think over it again and again, that’s very important) I don’t think there can be any progress if you don’t answer that for now. What does your heart say? Anything in mind?
        Once you get to know that, it’s easy: just follow the cartesian way. Cut your big goal into smaller ones, then smaller and smaller, until you have splitted it into parts easy enough to be done by you. That’s the way one can achieve great things!

        Whatever you choose to do, I believe in you (as I’ve never stopped to). I know you can achieve a huge lot too, you’re very smart (I still remember how you pwned me at that block-switching game) and you’re one of the few persons that I know who has as much willpower as I do, if not even more. And I have enough willpower to change the world, so I know you’ll be able to succeed in your stuff.

        Be strong :) You have full support from us!
        Merengil

        (sorry for the long post, you know as much as I do that I usually write long stuff, yet that’s because I believe in the power of words ^_^ )

        Reply

        • Student Council
          会長 | Class 4-B
          Seat no. 1
          Valid from: 10/29/2014 at 2:19 am

          I have been trying not to fall into that “pit of loneliness and self-pity”, though I admit that I have become a little bit more withdrawn– I’ve been keeping to myself more often and have been slower to spark conversation with people even online. I’m not depressed though… I think it is just the side effect of my life slowing to a crawl.

          As you do know me well, you probably would not be surprised to know that I began pondering the question “what next?” even before I made the decision to withdraw from medical school. I have a tentative direction in mind right now, with a more abstract end-goal. You are very right that the big picture is not fully visible yet. My dad told me that “you never know what type of blessing it may be in disguise.”

          I will be making a new post about my thoughts thus far– it has been a month after all. I hope you will get a chance to read it and gain some more insight about the thoughts currently going through my head.

          Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your support and the points you bring up to think about. Please feel free to leave as many and as long posts as you want– I read through all of them and strive to fully grasp their messages. I 100% agree that words hold a tremendous amount of power. It really is good to hear from you.

          Reply

  2. balance
    balance
    Rooftop Dreamer
    Class 1-B
    Seat no. 6
    Valid from: 10/11/2014 at 9:13 pm

    From the beginning where they streamed you getting the coat to the very bitter end, I was there in the journey with you. The joy, the pain, the laughs, and the suffering, I shared with you. This was definitely one of the biggest rollercoaster of a journey that you have had to traverse in your life.

    I remember rushing to work so that I could access the computer and watch the stream of the white coat ceremony in hopes that I would see you appear on the screen. I remember I HAD to send in a text to portray my excitement. I remember the expectations I had from the school and what it would have to offer you.

    After several months had passed by, it started to become very evident that this life style was taking its toll on you but you were very persistent and I admired your perseverance. It most certainly would not have been something I would have been able to go through.

    A few months later, that was when I received a distressing message from you on my phone while I was at work. When you had asked for me to call when I arrived home, I could tell something was wrong. More so than usual. That was the first call and perhaps the first time I have ever heard you in such a defeated tone. I was thoroughly confused just as you had been and I almost felt as though I was more frustrated than you were in that situation. Of course, that’s besides the point.

    After that first call, I remember all the strategies and tactics that you told me about in hopes that it would change things. They had worked… or so we had thought they would. Just when you thought things were going well, the test results would come right back and say otherwise.

    I could see and hear the transformation that you were going through. Prior to your enrollment to med school, you were ever so radiant and there was always a pop to your voice. As time progressed, your shine and your soul seemed as though it was diminishing. There were a few times when we were able to actually have a nice chat over Skype, but those times had begun to become more and more rare.

    There were several times where we had the discussion of whether or not it was worth continuing the journey. Early on, I figured that it was just a bump in the road and that it should not be something to pay too much attention to. The last discussion we had prior to your withdrawal, you already knew what you wanted to do but I think we both came to the same conclusion that the pain was not worth the end result.

    “Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.”
    -Greg Anderson

    As I have to come to learn from you, the journey is what is important. At this rate, the journey will have only worn you out to the point where you’d end up just as soulless as a robot. For someone that’s as full of life as you, that would be the equivalent of willingly giving up your existence. I’ve already said so in the past, but I believe you are following the right path. The destination may have changed ever so slightly, but the journey will certainly be a lot more pleasant.

    There is so much more I could say, but all it would be is simply my frustration in regards to the whole situation and to the overall function of the school. At the very least, you can be glad that you’ve made a “large” amount of friends during your time there. As you already know, I will continue to be with you along this journey. As long as you give this idiot a place to stay, I’ll be around.

    “Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life.”
    -Pythagoras

    Reply

    • Student Council
      会長 | Class 4-B
      Seat no. 1
      Valid from: 10/23/2014 at 3:55 pm

      While we only really began to start talking with one another in my undergrad, you still managed to accompany me throughout my journey into and out of medical school. I remember sharing the mock interviews I did, my journeys flying across the country to participate in interviews, and as you mentioned, the monumental White Coat Ceremony where, at the time, I recall you mentioning how happy I looked as I was finally able to don the iconic coat.

      You were probably the person I spoke most closely with throughout my time at medical school. Indeed, you know better than anyone that I tried. I essentially tried everything that I could think of, but there was just some inherent disconnect– something that I could not take care of despite my best efforts. Yes, as you noted, it was frustrating (I suspect for both of us). You told me many times that you wished that you could have just driven over to my apartment to accompany as I was going through such difficult times, and that you were unfortunately able to do little more than listen to my troubles. I too was frustrated at first, but would continually resolve to try harder next time.

      Evoking that resolve over and over and… over… it took a toll on me, one that I’m pretty sure that you were able to take notice of in the months leading up to my decision to withdraw. If I could, I would have wanted to continue pursuing medicine– but not at the expense of living through 5+ years of continual stress. I just didn’t want it that badly– whether that means that I was never meant for such a career or not… well that is something I will just have to ponder for a long, long, time. It is still something that sort of eats away at me; I truly did enjoy working in the clinic and seeing patients.

      But it is as you said– I did not want to become a robot. I did not want to lose my humanity, my love for my hobbies, my chances to play around with my friends… I think those were slipping away. If there were a way that I could just “train” to become a doctor instead of being stressed and being tossed around like just another chew toy of the school administration’s… I would do that in a heartbeat.

      Thank you for traveling with me on my journey.

      Reply

  3. Zoey Wong
    Transfer Student
    Class 2-C

    Well I’m awfully late, I do think you have made the right decision. It is after all a part of health care that you should do your own self reflecting on your own personal well being before looking at where you are going to go. To always be aware of the person you are becoming as it will. Take your time, find something that you truly love. We’ll always be here for you.

    Your good friend

    Zoey.

    Reply

    • Student Council
      会長 | Class 4-B
      Seat no. 1
      Valid from: 10/23/2014 at 3:32 pm

      Zoey, it means a lot to me that you took the time to read this and share your feelings about the matter– especially since we were originally going down the same path.

      Indeed, I have always tried to be aware of how I am changing as a person when placed in different situations. I am unsure whether I truly don’t love medicine though. I was sort of forced out of it, but I also didn’t want it badly enough to put myself through the immense amount of stress I was going through. Does that mean I didn’t love it to begin with? The people who say “I’d kill for that job” … isn’t it ok to not want something that badly? Such are the questions that float around my mind these days.

      While I only see you from time to time, at this point you’ve known me since high school (as with Draco). It means a lot for you to come out and provide your support when I need it most. That makes you as well– my good friend.

      Reply

  4. Draco
    Transfer Student
    Class 2-D

    As usual I was late to the party on reading this but I did have my suspicions when you were streaming games more often now. You made the right decision, you have to take care of yourself after all. No matter what road you pick from here on I’m sure you’ll be able to find the right one suited for you and that it would make you happy. For the mean time you have us to clown around with, so just take your time and enjoy your down time until you find a road you want to follow.

    Reply

    • Student Council
      会長 | Class 4-B
      Seat no. 1
      Valid from: 10/23/2014 at 3:26 pm

      Hi Draco, thanks. Yeah, I believe that one of the things I have forgotten over time (because of my rigorous studies) is that it is okay to enjoy “down time”. To be able to switch gears in that way will be doubly important in the future when I’m no longer in school and working to help support a family and whatnot.

      Reply

  5. Kun
    Transfer Student
    Class 1-D
    Valid from: 10/04/2014 at 1:40 am

    You made the right decision to do what best for you. Don’t ever belittle yourself because, if this was a choice that you won’t regret, then it’s the best possible choice you could ever do. I have made many changes in life until I was able to figure out a path that I want to go for, and now i’m finally able to pursue it. Yeah it took me like 6 years to finally get back on track but the thing is, we’re still pushing towards our goals. Don’t ever give up, don’t let people talk down to you for what you believe in, and just be strong because we’ll eventually find our peace of mind. You got plenty of awesome friends around you so just come to us if you ever need comfort :)

    Reply

  6. Tao
    Transfer Student
    Class 4-B
    Valid from: 09/30/2014 at 4:21 am

    Hey I suck at social media :( my twitter has been pretty quiet, but that’s besides the point. Seeing this news here blew my mind and I not sure what I can say to help…is what the younger me would have said. I say with open arms for a hug, glad your feeling alright and I wish you with all my of my heart for you to have the best of luck. Don’t think, feel what you should do next, although I’m not sure how good my advice is because at the moment I’m in stasis being a caretaker has got me tired more tired than I could have imagined, kinda like cabin fever, games don’t feel as fun and most of my time during the day is spent cleaning,watching tv, cleaning and spending most of the night online. My life is a bit of a mess, but I’m doing it day by day. There are things I must do that I just haven’t done due to lack of energy and motivation. It almost feels like I’ve lost my spark, becoming lazier as it goes on. Sorry I’m going on like this, but just typing it out gets it off my chest (maybe I should start a blog pffft yeah right I feel like I lack the social grace or something like that) I hate to just dump this here, but I relaxed a bit more typing this disaster lol. Anyway, don’t be a stranger (I should take that advice as well) I will try to tweet more and I’m glad I’ve sorta gone through this journey with you by reading along for the past 4 years.

    Best regards,
    The Indomitable Chie Justice, Tao

    Reply

    • Student Council
      会長 | Class 4-B
      Seat no. 1

      Heh, it’s somehow fitting for you to be the first person to comment on this post. Good to see you around again, Tao.

      While your situation is certainly different, it seems like you do have some idea about how I was feeling leading up to this moment– especially about how you mention that you lost your “spark”… and not by choice either. It’s not a great feeling, but it’s like you said– just live day by day until you can pick things back up. That’s pretty much the boat I am in right now.

      Tao, you are always free to share your thoughts on my blog, whatever they may be. I truly do appreciate that you’ve been able to join in this journey with me. Even if things veer off course, what matters is that the ship continues to sail and that you haven’t lost anyone along the way. I’m glad to count you among my crew.

      Reply

      • Tao
        Transfer Student
        Class 4-B

        Glad to be on board Captain lol

        Reply

        • balance
          balance
          Rooftop Dreamer
          Class 1-B
          Seat no. 6
          Valid from: 10/12/2014 at 1:16 am

          You know what, Tao. You’re a really swell person. That’s all I wanted to say.

          Reply

          • Tao
            Transfer Student
            Class 4-B

            aw thanks, same to you, we’ll continue to support non-stop :3

            Reply

Leave a Comment

Oh, I haven't seen you here before! Are you a transfer student or something? Then you should probably register at the faculty office to get an ID.