Adrift Between Signposts

I have been pretty content lately as my life goes on. I recently earned my Bachelors of Science, straightened out everything to start medical school in the Fall, and moved out of my apartment in Dallas to spend the Summer at my parents’ house in Houston. For the past few years, most of my summers have been at least partially “busy”– either due to studying for entrance exams or taking classes to stay ahead; it’s kind of nice to have a whole summer to myself with nothing hanging over my head.

When I visited my parents’ house (my permanent residence) during school breaks, a part of me would always be thinking about my other “home” back on campus. While I am treated as a guest for the first week or so at my parents’, I eventually fall into a routine of helping with the house chores somewhat which almost paradoxically suggests that I might relax even more if I did not come here to my “true home” over my breaks. Regardless, I always figured that the reason why part of my mind would stay in Dallas would be because it effectively represented “unfinished business” at college (what with me having classes, my stuff, and my room mate to go back to). Last month when I moved out for good however, I still find myself thinking about… somewhere else. My mind wanders between my old apartment in Dallas and the new apartment that I will be getting in Ft. Worth.

I have now been on summer vacation for two weeks (which feels like an eternity and warp-speed at the same time) and have found myself thinking sometimes that maybe I don’t consider this place home anymore. Don’t get me wrong– I love my parents (they are profoundly generous and selfless in supporting me) and every time I am here, I am more than happy to lend them my company but… I suppose I am slowly letting go. I can hardly remember what life was here when I was not visiting from college and as I move forward, I will once again find myself visiting only for short bursts of time.

There’s not much to do back here either considering that most of the people I knew here have scattered and that I do not have any other family nearby. Coupled with these realizations, heading off to a big medical school that effectively ends with employment is a bit of a scary thought since you would be all grown up at the end of it with a career. Embarking on such a road with all of its student loans and lifestyle adjustments is what I have always wanted (maybe not the loans),  but seeing it loom in front of me sort of makes me uneasy. Not to mention the life-implications of this long road as well– many people try to get married at least after their 4th year of medical school so that they can start planning for a family when the schooling is done. Just thinking about that topic makes my stomach queasy and makes me want to push the idea out of my head.

For now, I am determined to enjoy this summer to its fullest, even if I am feeling increasingly more independent. In two weeks, my family and I will be in Florida to go to Disney World for goodness sakes! I suppose a part of me is  just anxious about my new life. I am rather certain though that when it actually starts, I will quickly fall into the routine and happily work through things just I always have. Even so, I have a feeling that real life is going to flash by quicker than I anticipate and I want to be ready for it when it does.


Still quiet

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