An Unknown Variable

Now here is a subject that you would not really expect to see on this site… I admit it may seem a little out of the blue too. Don’t get me wrong though– This post has nothing to do with real life events. Well… Maybe a little, but probably not in the way you might think!

See, I am a science student who just finished freshman year of college. I am definitely passionate about what I do, and I also tend to have a large amount of confidence in my ambitions. In fact, my brain tends to work in such unorthodox ways that it keeps me coming up with ideas to better do things, without regard about how things have always been done. I digress, but in short, I am confident I have a bright future in my field of study and I am bubbling with ideas to play with when I finally get the chance.

So once again this summer, I am doing volunteer work/interning  at facilities which will further enable me to better perform in and understand my field. Since I have, after all, only the amount of knowledge that is accumulated by the end of freshman year, I did not expect any profoundly important summer tasks. But truth be told, as I walk through the hallways of my hospital, dressed in my student’s uniform performing lowly work, I reflect almost on a daily basis that this job is only a stepping stone for me to get to the top. As I work, I think to myself that one day, I will be calling the shots and doing things my way in the medical field.

Then a new thought enters my head– A startling one.

After my first year of college an seeing other people, the fact remains that I will get married one day. I’m sure a number of readers could relate, but let me tell you that this thought scares me a lot. Some of my friends know that I am a rather paranoid person by nature, most likely due to my childhood (which was far more difficult than it should have been). Indeed, it takes ages for people to earn my trust and I am constantly worried that I will be betrayed somehow.

I know that I have a bright, or at the very least, promising future. In my head I frequently dream up fantasies about how my doctor’s office would be when I finally get to build one. I keep a mental list about features I would want to implement after wishing they were present at my local clinic. I even sometimes think about design elements and how I would dedicate my facility to my Mom and Dad, since they have never once put anything before my education.

Then I think about the inevitable event of me getting married.

In none of my ambitions and goals do I include a life partner. I know that I will obtain one, certainly. But when I think about building my office, and donning my blue (yes) doctor’s coat in the morning, I feel that if someone would have the potential to hinder me, I would rather wait then get married to them.

That’s not my main fear or anything though. I’m sure that if someone had that potential, they would be wrong for me anyways, right? It’s this intangibility that scares me or perhaps it frustrates me. I’m the type of person (I’m sure you have noticed) who makes detailed, long-term plans to anticipate anything that might threaten the possibility of me accomplishing what I want to do. When I have an algebraic variable such as this topic, (oh how I wish it truly were algebraic) it bothers me to no end. Normally, I would research any unknowns in order to gather enough knowledge to understand how they may impact my “equations.” Obviously, this is not possible here.

It is actually even more difficult in my case, since I come from a background and culture different from the one at my current location. To leave this country is not an option however, since I have made a commitment to carry out my studies in the United States. Thus, I am an outsider from a family who does not partake in many of the traditions here. I’m sure that my parents would want me marrying someone closer to my roots and I would like that too, since it often makes the most sense in terms of lifestyle and such. However, I have no idea as to what the process will be for me finding someone here. In fact, even writing about this topic makes me a little squeamish in my belly. I guess in the end, it cannot be helped. There are just so many unknowns, and those are which scare me.

Heh, worst math equation of my life. I wonder if my spouse will one day read this post? If that’s the case, I mean no insult or anything! Though of course, if you are my spouse, you would probably know this already~!

5 Comments

  1. FullmetalAlchemistFanatic20
    Transfer Student
    Class 4-B

    What anime has the anime guy in it with his glasses on?

    Reply

  2. Sion9
    Transfer Student
    Class 2-E
    Valid from: 06/22/2010 at 1:03 pm

    If/when you find the right person you won't be worrying about her "hindering you." Anyways, since I have had similar thoughts, let me know if you find any answers.

    Reply

    • Nightmaren
      Student Council
      会長 | Class 4-B
      Seat no. 1
      Valid from: 06/22/2010 at 1:29 pm

      Indeed, I guess its something we all face. We're both students in rigorous, professional fields with our own ambitions after all.

      Reply

  3. Kun
    Transfer Student
    Class 1-D
    Valid from: 06/20/2010 at 3:26 pm

    haha well said draco! i know mine wont be deep as yours! haha yeah as he said just take your time with relationships, no need to rush things and try to get to know their true personality. just be safe when you meet up with new people! don't want you get hurt or anything XD. well thats all i have to say that is on top of my minds at the moment, but i hope you'll meet the right person you're looking for :)

    ~piggy (cloud?@_@) ~puhi~

    Reply

  4. Draco
    Transfer Student
    Class 2-D
    Valid from: 06/19/2010 at 5:54 pm

    Ah marriage, something that at my age, relatives and friends from childhood tend to pester me about. Though when I was younger the thought has always crossed my mind, the older you get and remain unmarried, the more you get used to the idea that it'll come eventually.

    There's no need to rush into finding the right person for you. The general consensus for getting married is at least the age of 30 though some say 25. The reason for this is to let yourself witness life while not tied down. By the time you reach the age of 30, you'd probably have at least 1 or 2 relationships. Relationships that will give you precious experience for you to use when you're finally settled down with someone. Knowing how to coexist with someone that you admire and at the same time that same person will have certain attributes that you would most likely not desire.

    In any event, before you should be thinking about marriage, first you should be thinking about being in a relationship. The first step in making a lifetime commitment is always letting someone into your world. But in order to let someone in to your heart, you'll have to take risks at it. Relationships can't be planned perfectly because somewhere down the road, Murphy's Law kicks in, but from that point on the question will on braving through the toughest times or just letting go.

    Life will hand us rough paths to take, there's no question about it. Relationships are no different. I myself have been in a few, one of which destroyed me utterly and made me overly cynical towards the idea of relationships. Even so, nothing is absolute. Eventually I met someone who made me think that I can stand up again and try risking everything once again. Knowing the possibility of getting hurt and preparing yourself to face it is one way of seeing how much you've matured. Just always remember, nobody's perfect, not even yourself.

    In the event that you've decided to try dating, always remember, don't give your 100% off the bat. First date can tell you a lot about the person so give only what is necessary and don't let yourself to be taken advantage of. Once you start feeling comfortable with the person you're dating (might take 3 to 4 dates not counting all the time you spend hanging out), then its up to you to decide what you can give them in return. Also communication is important, never expect someone to automatically read your mind though don't let yourself be read that easily either. Subtle hints are always a nice thing to do for the other person and if they don't pick up then they're hopeless.

    In any event its still your decision as to when you want to do certain things involving your personal life. All I can do is give some friendly advice to which you are free to ask anytime. I'd also like to add that, there's nothing wrong with focusing on your long term goals for now. If you can get through with just friendship until you get to where you want to be then that is perfectly fine. Just keep your priorities straight and everything will be fine.

    Good luck and remember, I'll be here for you when you need advice ^^

    Reply

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Hi there! Are you the new transfer student? You should probably register at the faculty office first so you can get an ID. Maybe we'll be in the same class!